It never really occurred to me, that maybe I was meant to write. I know that I’ve always had thoughts running rapidly through my mind, especially at the end of the day, when every thing is quiet and I settle down for the night. It’s like all of a sudden, I see all the puzzle pieces and have to try and I get ideas on “How” to put them together. I know as a mother, getting through tough years with my children, I often took the pen and wrote. I found this easier than talking, but what I found out it wasn’t always the best way to communicate. Too much said, often should have been discussed face to face and for that is why my son asked me “Not” to write him anymore letters. With that, I put my feelings about writing into a category that said I needed to maybe just put the pen down and with love, learn to trust God and be a better communicator, especially with my children.
After that, I never really gave writing much thought, until my Brother Gary published his first book. It was a special week when he was working near me, and I drove about 50 miles to meet him, and went out on a few jobs with him. We were talking about how awesome it was, that his book had finally been published. He had worked on it for years and had some disappointments along the way, as one publisher took his money and didn’t publish! My Mom, his biggest supporter couldn’t wait for the book to be published and prayed many prayers for him that it would someday happen. January of this year it did! I know she was rejoicing from Heaven with him! Anyway, we were walking along. He always calls me “Sis.” He looked at me and said, “Sis, you know you ought to write a book someday. You have a lot of things you need to say, and you could leave a legacy behind.” I thought it was just a moment of “I did it and you should do it, too!” Well, I pondered on it for a few months. Timely, it was just about the time that I was working into online marketing and one of the first assignments I had, was to establish a blog.
Well, I took off and started writing some articles. I originally thought it would just be a business related blog, but it has gone much farther than that! Within that blog, and other events in my life, I began to discover that this small town girl did have some assignments and passions from my life experiences, that I did need to share.
I grew up in “Small Town USA.” Somewhat of a “Leave It To Beaver” home. Mom was a stay at home Mom, Dad worked a steady job and supported us. We were faithful church attenders. Dad didn’t drink and gave up smoking after he married Mom. We took big family vacations and did a lot of fishing! I had a brother 5 years older than me and a brother 5 years younger than me. I was the girl in the middle!
My life was a happy life and although there were really very few struggles, I still ended up with issues I had to contend with. I am very easy going, but very strong willed! When you have that personality, you take things to heart and you are very hard on yourself! I am quiet in a crowd, but I don’t mind getting up and speaking to a crowd! That is, if I have something to say! I think very deeply about things, but if it’s something really complicated, I’d rather not think about it at all! When I speak, I’d rather get it said and get the information out as soon as possible, but I will listen to someone who could talk all night! I love a leadership position and admire someone who is there, but I’d rather be the right arm to a leader and help them accomplish their goals! I put high expectations on myself, but I let myself off the hook way too easy! Have you ever, put in writing, what type of personality you have. I know mine must sound confusing to you! I felt like I needed to fit into everyone’s box and I was extremely frustrated if I didn’t. I always seemed to be the last one to finish a test. I loved basketball, but never seem to have what it took to be a starter! I played piano, but my fingers just didn’t move fast enough to play those complicated notes! These things weighed on my heart for a big portion of my life!
OK….enough said! I had to have a mental breakthrough and I needed it as badly as anyone! I wasn’t overcoming sexual abuse, or seeing someone I loved murdered, or having my parents divorce and feeling like I had something to do with it, or facing the betrayal of a spouse, or raising a mentally challenged or disabled child or facing a disease I couldn’t cure! Still, the same effects can tear at your personal esteem if you don’t get everything in the right perspective! Piece by piece, God helps me deal, day by day with each issue. First, I had to accept who he made me to be. I had to learn that he put me hear, and he thought I was special! I came with a plan attached!
Due to all the mental anguish I put myself through, I had gained a lot of weight. I blamed it on birth control pills and just getting older and having a slow metabolism. Through his healing ministry, I found a christian program that really began my journey to recovery, and as we began to share our stories with one another, one by one we discovered the reasons that weight had become a big issue with all of us! It was a big eye opener as I sat there one day in that class, and God said, ” I did call you to be a cheerleader…..just not a physical cheerleader! I called you to encourage my people and cheer them on through their hard times! You are a cheerleader! (When I was in grade school, and wanted to try out for cheerleader, a friend had told me,”You’ll never be a cheerleader, You’re not coordinated enough!”) All those years, I had let that statement hurt me!
I’ve learned to share my hurts, as well as my victories and I am still a work in progress! My boys as they were growing up sang a little song, “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be! It took him just a week to make the Moon and Stars, the Sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars! How lovely and patient he must be…….He’s still working on me! Yes….I’ve started my book and I have some things still left to say. Daily, as I look up, I find I don’t notice the obstacles that get in the way as much. I’m learning to trust him, my Jesus, to give me daily instructions and he is patient with me. If I can encourage you to trust him to and let him take the lead, he’ll heal the broken places and he’ll shed light on them that you never thought was possible! Be an achiever and live your life to it’s fullest! Your goals and visions are not in you by accident! Discover them, reach for them, and achieve them!
